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Crew Cuts: Worst Crew Haircuts

13 July 9:43 am

Crew Cuts: Worst Crew Haircuts

By Cody Sharrett

Duncan Oughton's new feathered haircut inspired the debate of the worst haircuts in Crew history at Thursday's training. Here is the input from Crew players and staff:

Head Athletic Trainer Dave Lagow: Terrible haircuts I've seen: Eric Gehrig, terrible this year and the long, Beetlejuice, some would argue the Crypt Keeper from Tales of the Crypt to the terrible combover he has right now. Cole Grossman, last year just went in for a normal haircut and came out with an awful, awful child's haircut which led to him grown his hair out like a girl, terribly. But he's kind of got it back together now. Duncan Oughton, present. Rusty Wummel- not a bad haircut, but a bad style. I would argue, prior to my time, the Guille mullet was not a good look. I hate to do it, because he's been a great addition this year, but (assistant athletic trainer) Phil Watson had a terrible haircut this year, which he felt awful about. He needed a haircut, he had a very specific instruction to the woman and she ran with it and it butchered it. He was a Peyton Manning lookalike.

Eric Gehrig: My defense is, it was damage control…
Cole Grossman interjects: Can I just go on record and say that I've liked all of his haircuts? (laughs) I just want that to go on record to show that I'm his only friend, his only true friend that appreciates his hair.
Gehrig: My current hair situation is due to (a female hair stylist at a Columbus salon that will not be named) really did me bad.
Josh Williams: How much did you pay for that?
Gehrig: Fifteen.
Grossman: FIFTY?!?
Gehrig: Fifteen or twenty. Then I had to go home, go shorter, and this is where it's at. But for sure, worst haircut on the team is Netzo.

Andy Gruenebaum: Everyone is going to say Gehrig. Gehrig had a Zack Morris phase. He's had a lot of different phases. I'm going to go Netzo. I don't know what he's doing with that hair. It's beyond anything a Jewish man could accomplish.

Equipment manager Rusty Wummel: There's been so many guys with so many bad haircuts… Manu (Emmanuel Ekpo), when he first came, it was pretty bad… Duncan never left the seventies. That's part of his problem, in general. It explains a lot about him.

Chad Marshall: The one that Duncan has right now. He asks for the Lloyd Christmas I think… I think it's straight Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber.
 

Duncan Oughton: Chad said that? He's ridiculous. Worst haircut… There's been a lot of them over the years. Gehrig's is kind of a lack of haircut. Obviously, front office-wise, Brian Bliss's horseshoes are less than average. Your red hair, Cody, it's struggling. (Editor's note: It's strawberry blonde.) Sebastian Rozental, when he was her had kind of a Worzel Gummidge thing going on, like a scarecrow cut. Bobby's mustache, in terms of hair was really bad and occasionally still is. As a consistent performer of bad hair, I'm going to say Danny O'Rourke. He thinks it looks amazing, but it's always emo, there's been cornrows at one point in time. It really just average… Also, Mike Lapper's hair hasn't changed in 12 years. It's the LEGO man clip on cut.

Danny O'Rourke: No comment.

Eddie Gaven: The worst haircut would have to be my army haircut from 2008. I tried to cut my own hair. It didn't work out too well, so I had to buzz it and it was real high and tight. I got grilled by the guys for a while from it. I don't even know if I had a beard back then, so I just looked really weird. That's probably the worst haircut in my time here. Basically, I'm throwing myself under the bus.